Been with my husband for 12! I cant help someone whos silent. So what am I meant to do other than not talk to her? I accepted that. You could relate, and the past injustices against your new love caused you such . well my happiness only lasted 2 months after we had a great night, dinner movie, wine we even joked around. I hope that there is a future where we can communicate again because it felt like it went so well and she really seemed to enjoy me. If the other person isnt ready yet to hear your feelings, then what you are supposed to do is give them the time to be ready. By clicking Accept All, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. Details please. This really hurts. Again I said that I would talk if they would stop yelling. Now looking back, he may not have gotten the gist of "proactive" an misinterpreted what I was requesting as a committed relationship. I really like her a lot, shes an unbelievably beautiful, poetic person, who has such a true heart. And he takes all she says as a big rule for everything. If we detatch and back off, accept them for who they are too much, then what is the point? I was no longer of any use because i dared to ask for support with menopause. Where before you could do no wrong, now you began to feel that you could do no right. It took a week, but we finally ran into each other. Fortunately he doesn't talk about it all the time, if that was the case I would probably have started to get tired and want time alone. If I get near him he storms off. Dear Judge..Thank you.. would like to see part 1.! To even begin to resolve these issues, youre going to have to understand each other. Researched. At the time I had no idea of my limitations as I'd never been truly in love before, but communication rather than cold, unilateral action is the key. When the Aspie shuts down, we must be VERY c l e a r and basic in our terms. Wow. If you love an Aspie be prepared to lose your identity. Dont take this on yourself. Sometimes, it's not the depression but the depression medication itself which is responsible for the strain on the relationship. Yes, its true that they give up very easily and run, when we would hang in there and work it through. I am so sorry that you were abused and traumatized. I am sending up a prayer to all of you on this blog. Every time we would bring it up she would shut us down with a meltdown or silence. I suggested us moving in together and that, in retrospect was my big mistake. I am sorry to hear about your own daughter and husband and I will add you to my prayer list. he always helps n You thought about it, rationalized, and gave them the benefit of the doubt. But he will never speak to me again. Take care. All this while, he hid the fact of his aspergers. Look after You x. Lucy, Wow, I am so sorry for what you have been through. Once you become Trauma bondedthe devalue stage sets in. As a matter of fact some people(not just Aspies its a general psychological problem that can happen to anyone) deal with that kind of abuse by actually trying to make sure no one likes them so they can stay in their comfort zone. You had a purpose, and the purpose was to prove your love and devotion. I was struggling mentally, but my love for this crazy unique guy kept me there.. I felt alone all the time, even though he was phisically there. You were being accused of something that had nothing to do with you, and the more you tried to explain, the angrier and more unreasonable your partner became. Note Im a very social person. They can still learn to be better people, just like everyone else. You tried to suggest therapy, but they accused you of gaslighting and more emotional abuse. Next conflict was him stopping me in mid conversation to say he was bored by what I was talking about. What should I do? He is a logical thinker, not emotional as i can see you obviously are. What man ignores his wife and family? He asked me a month before, how are you feeling about me and my behavior. I hurt him and he has recoiled to a point of no return. Even screamed at, and things thrown/punched walls. Remember love is a conversation, not a transaction. I guess Im the only one he wasnt talking to. They would hate someone privately and yet cling to him or her in public. It does not store any personal data. All the acting and insecurities. I sat there watching the TV thinking how miserable my life was. He left me alone every evening instead of having spending time with me. You seem like remarkable people who deserve love and attention and effort from anyone you chose to love. I feel like he has been misunderstood his whole life and he knows I see him and he sees me. So they offer logical explanations and when those dont work, they often resort to the silent treatment. We were fine up till last week but then something happened (an anxiety attack on my part), which sent him running for the hills. My bf was wonderful in the beginning. But, a person with cancer has millions of resources that are helpful to understand cancer and what it means and future options. Click here to learn more: Next for the NT only join the Meetup group, Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD. Also taking walks together. Please give me some advise. She has cut off our entire family. In my experience, its not about what they have, its about what they need to be able to become a better person to have an understanding that they cannot be abusive to others. If they stop biking he stops connecting with them. So to save alot of heartbreak, upset and unecessary mental grief for all..be true to who you really are. Please keep me updated and all the best!! Whatever the reason, the aspie change resistance kicks in. Yes, many of our Aspies have severe anxiety, and some cross wiring that makes it difficult for them to feel and talk at the same time. Associated conditions, such as a sleep disorder or ADHD, can make driving challenging, too. Making friends can cause anxiety because of the high expectations people set and any self-consciousness people with autism may experience. About 5 weeks ago he went radio silent. He has said that he wants to have children with me but then has also been on dating sites. She explained that she did not have romantic feelings for me. I have been. Has an amazing job and extremely successful. He is very close with his family and I found out yesterday that he had spent the last 3 weeks across the country with his family. While I am sympathetic to his sensitivities, I have to have boundaries. This is also why I formed an interventional support group on Meetup, Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD. He does it in response to me getting angry and yelling at him. Our Meetup group has both male and female members. I cant help but see the man I love trapped in there deep inside, and the two of us have such a deep bond. He never starts a conversation. He did something wrong and I came down on him hard. I am 35. He runs for a hobby and runs from his life hoping to find something better but he is still anxious because its about his disorder that he refuses to address .Its a very complex self involved disorder and bad though it is for them it is bad for their life partners .I still love my husband but wonder why -he has rejected me , been cold ,cruel , dismissive and disposed of me .It is right that the marriage should end because it will be another 20 years of same casual unkindness. Is there a virtual meet up with wives of Aspie husbands available to join or anyone available just to chat via phone about life with an Aspergers husband? . She only liked when we would do things she enjoyed, and kept silent about anything controversial. I dont know what to do any more, its so confusing and I feel rejected. *nods* Tamala when someone approaches you or takes the initiative to talk to you it has a powerful psychological effect (attraction); extroverted people are quite tiring if you don't know how to make conversation and establish relationships. They DO come backbecause its happened to menumerous timesjust when you climb out of the darkness I keep going over his characteristics and they all add up. Which makes me feel Im unwanted but he stated he loves me.. But then she doesnt really talks to me anyways. Offer help and tell that person you are there for them, etc. Can he learn to understand and meet my needs at least intellectually? Its very important to know that bad behaviour is not tolerated, no matter the difficulty. I dont know how you al take this for weeks or even years.. And I mean down for days. What I don't understand is why she has completely stopped communicating with me. She was the first and only person to love me for me and being with her was the best few months of my life. 3. So when my partner behaves as per the pattern that most people have shared, that is when I need to communicate to him very clearly that that type of behaviour is not acceptable and that he needs to talk with me about what he is experiencing. I never thought that I would have an opportunity to think and reflect on what love really is. Protective order in place. He Never existed. The next morning they were angrier. The aspie may terminate their relationship as a way of punishing themselves or they may begin to self-harm in other ways. I read a book a few years ago on "sociopaths in the workplace" and I was stunned by the figures. with no regard to how they will be impacted . And often also NTs react like that. I am looking for a little advice since he is my first boyfriend of 2 years now and I never had real advice as to how I can help him out for my particular circumstance. Im none of those things but the Fg B part did get to my head because there are days anyone can be in a bad mood. Your partner had seen the worst of you and loved it deeply, but suddenly this tiny detail was catastrophic. In other words, since he loves you, why does he have to show it. He does better than me, but still we both are pretty awkward depending on the setting. I cant even begin to express how hard its been. When we started the relationship, I mentioned to him and his folks that some things arent right but I was told to embrace their family quirks rather than trying to change them. my daughter , runs around school drop offs and yet here I am , writing on a blog and hes gone into shut down , buggered by a small argument .hes packed his suit case and left. Filled with assessments and exercises for both you and your partner, this book will help you forge a deeper, more fulfilling . You need to be there for you and your child. Also, be sure to read Our of Mind Out of Sight: Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD). If we had known maybe we couldve saved our marriage. Yours is the closest because anything I suggest, he shuts me down. In a rare reply to my texts last week he said he needs to be left alone to regain his sanity. We havent had sex in over a year (he has refused, even when we get along well, because he doesnt trust me emotionally (since a number of times over the last year I have gotten angry and done something like the above). To be a carer for a person that will NEVER love you tge way you hope and dream. She would look intensely into my eyes, we would have hilarious conversations, and totally bonded. Take care. Totally selfish behavior that only revolves around his needs. Wow. It was very difficult to realize it, even if I learned about it, he seemed to understand when I tried to explain something emotional or social, but I have also learned that people with a mental retardation are generally very good at hiding it. I really want to just run away but he says he's suicidal and I'm so stressed out that I'm physically sick frequently. Now Im not sure were even in the same book. She and her son moved in, and it's been a rollercoaster. He was wonderful in the beginning, weird and adoreable. And then after another few months, now he's kinda done the same thing, hence why I'm trying to understand aspergers more now, so I know what to do, and if that has something to do with it. Get a cat or dog if you want someone to truly love you and be pleased to see youseriously. How to confront your Aspie. He does not want to be tested. I believe that is what turned my relationship and for the better. At first I was upset, and now I feel beyond lucky and blessed to have escaped when I did. What causes emotional withdrawal? Then he got weird. You cannot meet them. She was defensive. You deserve a loving normal individual in your life who can have a date with you, talk to you, look you in the eyes, hold your hand, kiss you. Unless you live in Utopia or Disneyland, he will not maintain or learn. He has always failed to communicate or solve things jointly without it going very badly. This is traumatic for us both. He started something hes never done before, these weird, business-y emails to discuss logistics. People with Asperger's may be erroneously perceived as "not having emotion." Communication and emotional regulation issues can make relationships challenging for those with Asperger's . I asked if he could just send me an emoji daily so I know hes ok What do you do when its your child that does this? One thing I have found on my personal and professional journey is that this life produces Radiant Empathy Angels. NTs tend to be very dramatic when expressing emotions which feels like they are being manipulative. They dont have to forgive, beg or change. A piece of advice to NTs: dont ever tell an Aspie just be yourself. Its not neccessarily relaxing like it may be for most people. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Im not really sure if I am overreacting, but I get worried whenever he behaves a certain way that makes me feel uncomfortable and worried for him. If this one ends I can't see trying again. I knew deep down he loved me, I loved him but I could not keep subjecting myself to the pain and rejection. Now of course it is like we lost her completely. His sister told me not him and then he ended up in the psychiatric ward. It did not go well. Ive been married for 35 years, and cant take it anymore. 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